--- title: How to Respond to Communication-Related Tantrums description: Communicating can be frustrating for both parents, and toddlers! Toddlers often know what they want, but are not yet able to express their wants accurately to caregivers. image: https://chscorgblog.files.wordpress.com/2017/04/toddler-tantrum.jpg?w=600 --- - CHSC Services & Programs - Speech-Language & Literacy - [Services for Adults](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/speech-language-services-for-adults/) - [Services for Children](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/speech-language-literacy-services-for-children/) - [Contract Services](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/community-contract-services-speech-language-literacy/) - [Project ELLA](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/project-ella/) - Hearing Services - [Hearing Evaluations and Testing](https://www.chsc.org/hearing-services/hearing-evaluations-and-testing/) - [Hearing Aids & Other Hearing Services](https://www.chsc.org/hearing-services/hearing-aids-other-hearing-services/) - [Early Intervention Service](https://www.chsc.org/hearing-services/early-intervention-service/) - Language Interpreting - 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CHSC Services & Programs - Speech-Language & Literacy - [Services for Adults](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/speech-language-services-for-adults/) - [Services for Children](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/speech-language-literacy-services-for-children/) - [Contract Services](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/community-contract-services-speech-language-literacy/) - [Project ELLA](https://www.chsc.org/speech-language/project-ella/) - Hearing Services - [Hearing Evaluations and Testing](https://www.chsc.org/hearing-services/hearing-evaluations-and-testing/) - [Hearing Aids & Other Hearing Services](https://www.chsc.org/hearing-services/hearing-aids-other-hearing-services/) - [Early Intervention Service](https://www.chsc.org/hearing-services/early-intervention-service/) - Language Interpreting - [Language Interpreting Options](https://www.chsc.org/language-interpreting-services/american-sign-language-interpreting-services/) - [American Sign Language Interpreting](https://www.chsc.org/language-interpreting-services/american-sign-language-interpreting/) - [Spoken Language Interpreting](https://www.chsc.org/language-interpreting-services/spoken-language-interpreting/) - [Book an American Sign Language Interpreter](https://www.chsc.org/language-interpreting-services/book-an-american-sign-language-interpreter/) - Community Center for the Deaf & Hard of Hearing - [Welcome to CCDHH](https://www.chsc.org/community-services/welcome-to-ccdhh/) - [Vocational Rehabilitation Services](https://www.chsc.org/community-services/vocational-rehabilitation-services/) - [Support Services and Advocacy](https://www.chsc.org/community-services/support-services-and-advocacy/) - [Ohio Clinician Mental Health Training](https://www.chsc.org/community-services/ohio-clinician-mental-health-training/) - [American Sign Language (ASL) Classes](https://www.chsc.org/community-services/american-sign-language-asl-classes/) - Locations - [University Circle](https://www.chsc.org/contact/main-center-university-circle-location) - [Broadview Heights](https://www.chsc.org/contact/broadview-heights-location) - 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[Blog](https://www.chsc.org/about/chsc-blog/) - [Strategic Plan](https://wwwchsc.org/about/strategic-plan/) - [Community Partners](https://www.chsc.org/about/community-partners/) - [Our History](https://www.chsc.org/about/our-history/) - [Ask CHSC](https://www.chsc.org/ask-chsc/) # Communication Matters # How to Respond to Communication-Related Tantrums [Megan Ahlman, M.A. CCC-SLP](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/megan-ahlman-m-a-ccc-slp) | Posted on January 17, 2018 ![Toddler tantrum, toddler crying](https://chscorgblog.files.wordpress.com/2017/04/toddler-tantrum.jpg?w=600 "Toddler tantrum, toddler crying") Communicating can be frustrating for both parents, and toddlers!  Toddlers often know what they want, but are not yet able to express their wants accurately to caregivers.  Communication breakdowns happen when toddlers point or whine, sending an unclear message to the adult they’re communicating with. Remember - it’s normal for toddlers to communicate this way!  Toddlers are exposed to new words every day, and they need to hear and try new words many times before using them consistently. But, when tension builds and frustration mounts due to a communication breakdown, toddlers may completely lose their cool!  Your toddler may cry, scream, run away from you, shut down, or even hit and pinch when you offer comfort.  Toddlers can become overwhelmed with their emotions, which can turn into a full-blown tantrum. Toddlers also learn how to push limits as their need to experience independence grows.  As toddlers attempt to make their own decisions - open the refrigerator, dress themselves, decide they want to go outside to play - communication breakdowns may occur.  This can be exhausting and irritating for parents, who feel frustration with their toddler’s growing desire to do things on their own.  Again, remember- this is a normal behavior for toddlers! **How should a parent respond when a [toddler can't communicate](http://www.chsc.org/speech-language/#common-pediatric-communication-disorders) what they want?**Here are a few tips to keep in mind: **Don’t Take It Personally** Every parent can remember a time when their child pushed the limits.  Toddlers constantly gauge what they can (and cannot) get away with.  The playground, kitchen table, and grocery store are only a few places where they may test their boundaries.  It’s important to remember that toddlers are impulsive and easily swayed by their emotions.  As they attempt to control the world around them, their actions may seem defiant.  In reality, children are learning what is (and is not) allowed.  Remind yourself that your child is learning, and maintain your patience rather than viewing his actions as a personal attack. **Respond Consistently** Show your child that you are not affected by their behavior.  Dealing with a tantrum and emotions that are running rampant can quickly become challenging, but remember to keep your composure.  You are the parent, and you are in charge.  Do not allow your child to control a situation by using their emotions to get your attention.  Parents may become embarrassed when their child throws a tantrum, but it’s a normal part of toddler’s growth of their emotional knowledge.  Respect their emotions, but don’t give in.  Respond calmly- don’t threaten or punish your child for feeling strong emotions.  Instead, recognize their feelings, and help your child work through their emotions.  Tell your child what you would like for them to do.  Instead of saying “No, don’t throw the ball in the house!” say “I see you’re angry.  We throw balls outside.  Please go outside so you can throw it.” **Remove The Pressure - Accept & Listen** When a child is trying to tell you something, he may feel pressured to use words to say what he wants.  Parents can remove this pressure by accepting the means of communication their child is using.  Let your toddler point or gesture.  Using words can be hard for toddlers, so they should be encouraged to communicate with others in a comfortable way.  Using gestures is still a good way for your child to get his point across, and gestures can be combined with sounds for emphasis.  If your child is trying to use words, you may hear *approximations*, distorted or shortened words.  This is expected for toddlers, and parents should encourage the use of approximations even though they may be difficult to understand. Give your toddler time to get his message across.  Slow down the pace of the interaction, and continue the conversation in an un-hurried way.  If your child is attempting to use words, make sure you take time to truly listen to what your child is saying. **Model How You Want Them To Talk** You may hear a lot of “No, no, NO!” from your toddler, especially when you’re trying to help them and figure out what they want!  Toddlers may not have the words to ask for a favorite toy, a snack, or to go to the bathroom.  In order to help your child and avoid a potentially exasperating situation, model the way you would like your child to ask for things during play or daily routines.  Saying “my turn” while pointing at your chest may encourage your child to point to his chest when he wants something.  You can say “I want cereal.  Do you want cereal?”  Then, help your child ask appropriately, modeling “I want…”  If your child is using *approximations*, encourage them to keep talking by taking your child’s approximations and modeling the correct way to say it.  For example, if you child says “doo,” parents can reply “Oh, you want *juice*!”  If your child says “doe ow-sigh” while pointing to the door, model “Go outside!  I see you pointing.” **Provide Choices** Toddlers are developing independence and may become upset if they feel like they’re being ordered around.  You may be able to “trick” your toddler into thinking they are in charge of a situation by offering them choices.  Asking the question “What do you want for breakfast?” may result in an answer like “Cupcakes!” or simply no response if your child doesn’t have the vocabulary to answer you with what he wants.  Instead, phrase your question as a choice, saying “Do you want cereal or eggs for breakfast?”  This allows your child to still feel in control, while ensuring they will make an appropriate suggestion and avoid frustration. **Offer an Alternative Activity** If your child’s tantrum becomes out of control, take a break from the activity or reason for the communication breakdown.  Remove your child from the situation and remain close to them, in case they attempt to communicate with you.  Try going for a walk, eating a snack, or sitting quietly together. Toddlers expect their parents to know exactly what they want at all times, and sometimes parents do!  Avoid situations in which you know your child may be primed for a communication breakdown.  For example, if you schedule a doctor’s appointment during your child’s typical nap time, you’ll likely experience an emotion-laden toddler who is difficult to communicate with. These tips may help parents keep their cool while helping their child through a communication-related tantrum.  If parents find that they are unable to understand their toddler's verbaizations of their wants and needs more than 50% of the time, a licensed speech-language pathologist (SLP) may be able to help!  SLPs can help parents learn strategies to make communicating with toddlers easier, and ultimately less frustrating. If you have questions or concerns about your [child's speech or language development](http://www.chsc.org/speech-language/#services-for-children), contact the [Cleveland Hearing & Speech Center](http://www.chsc.org/) at 216-231-8787.   Tags: [Communication](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/communication), [tantrum](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/tantrum) ## Comments ### Blog Categories - [Communication (122)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/communication) - [Speech (89)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/speech) - [Language (74)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/language) - [Hearing (54)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hearing) - [talking (47)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/talking) - [Hearing Loss (43)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hearing-loss) - [Audiology (41)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/audiology) - [Learning (34)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/learning) - [Hard of Hearing (33)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hard-of-hearing) - [Hearing Aids (33)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hearing-aids) - [Support (33)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/support) - [Voice (33)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/voice) - [toddler (31)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/toddler) - [Hearing Aid (28)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hearing-aid) - [Stroke (19)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/stroke) - [Hearing Loss Prevention (17)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hearing-loss-prevention) - [Caregiving (16)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/caregiving) - [literacy (16)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/literacy) - [Brain Injury (15)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/brain-injury) - [Deaf (15)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/deaf) - [Speech therapy (15)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/speech-therapy) - [reading (14)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/reading) - [Stuttering (13)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/stuttering) - [Teens (13)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/teens) - ["ears" (11)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/ears) - [Communication Access (11)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/communication-access) - [Stroke recovery (11)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/stroke-recovery) - [ASL (10)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/asl) - [American Sign Language (10)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/american-sign-language) - [Interpreting (7)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/interpreting) - ["tinnitus" (6)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/tinnitus) - [ASL Interpreter (6)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/asl-interpreter) - [Wilson Reading Program (6)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/wilson-reading-program) - [Aphasia (5)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/aphasia) - [Early Intervention (5)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/early-intervention) - [Ear Anatomy (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/ear-anatomy) - [Ear Pain (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/ear-pain) - [Primary Progressive Aphasia (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/primary-progressive-aphasia) - [Reading Summer Camp (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/reading-summer-camp) - [earplugs (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/earplugs) - [Autism (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/autism) - [Cochlear Implants (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/cochlear-implants) - [Deafness (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/deafness) - [Donations (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/donations) - [Donors (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/donors) - [Ear Wax (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/ear-wax) - [Medicare (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/medicare) - [Wills (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/wills) - [planned giving (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/planned-giving) - [tantrum (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/tantrum) - [Accent Modification (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/accent-modification) - [Baby Sign Language (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/baby-sign-language) - [Cleft Lip (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/cleft-lip) - [Cleft palate (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/cleft-palate) - [Dyslexia (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/dyslexia) - [Face masks (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/face-masks) - [R speech therapy (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/r-speech-therapy) - [baby (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/baby) - [dbhc (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/dbhc) - [hearing test (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/hearing-test) - [mental health (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/mental-health) - [ultrasound (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/ultrasound) - [ultrasound speech therapy (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/topic/ultrasound-speech-therapy) see all ### Authors - [Cleveland Hearing & Speech Center (32)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/cleveland-hearing-speech-center) - [Bridgid M. Whitford Au.D, CCC-A (25)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/bridgid-m-whitford-au-d-ccc-a) - [Sharon Dundee (21)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/sharon-dundee) - [Michelle Foye, MA CCC-SLP (13)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/michelle-foye-ma-ccc-slp) - [Alicia Verhovitz, M.A., CCC-SLP (10)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/alicia-verhovitz-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Megan Ahlman, M.A. CCC-SLP (9)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/megan-ahlman-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Lauren Masuga, M.A., CCC-SLP (5)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/lauren-masuga-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Linda Lange, Assistant Director of Speech Language & Learning Services (4)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/linda-lange-assistant-director-of-speech-language-learning-services) - [Akilah Porter, Marketing Coordinator (4)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/akilah-porter-marketing-coordinator) - [Tracy Biller, M.A., CCC-SLP Speech-Language Pathologist; Adult Services Coordinator (4)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/tracy-biller-m-a-ccc-slp-speech-language-pathologist-adult-services-coordinator) - [Akilah Porter (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/akilah-porter) - [Rachel Lester, BS, Audiology Intern (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/rachel-lester-bs-audiology-intern) - [Rebecca Mental, Ph.D., CCC-SLP Director of Speech, Language, and Learning Services (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/rebecca-mental-ph.d.-ccc-slp-director-of-speech-language-and-learning-services) - [Jennell C. Vick, Ph.D., CCC-SLP (3)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/jennell-c.-vick-ph.d.-ccc-slp) - [Stephanie Vondra, M.A., CCC-SLP (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/stephanie-vondra-m.a.-ccc-slp) - [Michelle Foye, M.A., CCC-SLP, Director of Speech Language & Learning Services (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/michelle-foye-m-a-ccc-slp-director-of-speech-language-learning-services) - [Kacey Riga, M.A., CCC-SLP (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/kacey-riga-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Chana Feinstein, M.A., CCC-SLP (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/chana-feinstein-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Michelle Kurfiss M.A. CCC-SLP (2)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/michelle-kurfiss-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Casey Ring, CCDHH Learning Center Manager (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/casey-ring-ccdhh-learning-center-manager) - [Samantha Taylor (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/samantha-taylor) - [Dalit Burgess, Coordinator of School Services, Senior Speech-Language Pathologist (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/dalit-burgess-coordinator-of-school-services-senior-speech-language-pathologist) - [Rebecca Mental, Ph.D., MPH, CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/rebecca-mental-ph-d-mph-ccc-slp) - [Jordan Brian, Sign Language Interpreter (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/jordan-brian-sign-language-interpreter) - [Dalit Burgess, M.S., CCC-SLP, Senior Speech-Language Pathologist; Coordinator of Professional and School Services (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/dalit-burgess-m-s-ccc-slp-senior-speech-language-pathologist-coordinator-of-professional-and-school-services) - [Maria O’Neil Ruddock, Psy.D. (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/maria-oneil-ruddock-psy-d) - [Jennell Vick, Ph.D., CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/jennell-vick-ph-d-ccc-slp) - [Michelle Parker-Armstrong, Office Coordinator for CCDHH (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/michelle-parker-armstrong-office-coordinator-for-ccdhh) - [Jonathan Plessner, CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/jonathan-plessner-ccc-slp) - [Elizabeth Divis, M.A. CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/elizabeth-divis-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Sarita Cornwall, Support Services & Community Outreach Specialist (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/sarita-cornwall-support-services-community-outreach-specialist) - [Ruth Clark, MA., CCC-A (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/ruth-clark-ma-ccc-a) - [Carol Theil, CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/carol-theil-ccc-slp) - [Jerry Hayes, PsyD and Maria O’Neil Ruddock, PsyD (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/hayes-oneil) - [Angela Gartner, Editor, NEO Parent Magazine (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/angela-gartner-editor-neo-parent-magazine) - [Reprinted with permission from the Annie E. Casey Foundation (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/reprinted-with-permission-from-the-annie-e-casey-foundation) - [Anne M. Calic MA CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/anne-m-calic-ma-ccc-slp) - [Jessica Blakeman CCC-SLP, Speech-Language Pathologist, (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/jessica-blakeman-ccc-slp-speech-language-pathologist) - [Rebecca Mental, Ph.D., CCC-SLP, Director of Research and Jonathan Plessner, M.A., CCC-SLP, Speech-Language Pathologist (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/rebecca-mental-ph-d-ccc-slp-director-of-research-and-jonathan-plessner-m-a-ccc-slp-speech-language-pathologist) - [Debbie Dey (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/debbie-dey) - [Casey Ring, Learning Center Manager (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/casey-ring-learning-center-manager) - [Kellie Vaughan, M.A., CCC-SLP (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/kellie-vaughan-m-a-ccc-slp) - [Dr. Jennell C. Vick (1)](https://blog.chsc.org/blog/author/dr-jennell-c-vick) see all [Request an Appointment](https://share.hsforms.com/1H4Q3P8MbSnma6-uuosE5Qg1y7i5) [Please Donate Your support means so much](https://transactions.chsc.org/CampaignForm/CHSC/Cleveland+Hearing+and+Speech+Center) [Book an Interpreter](http://www.chsc.org/american-sign-language-interpreting-services/interpreting-services-for-individuals/) ### SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER Receive CHSC news and events and other important communication updates directly to your inbox. - [![Facebook](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/facebook.svg)](https://www.facebook.com/clevelandhearingandspeechcenter) - [![X](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/x.svg)](https://twitter.com/clevehearspeech) - [![LinkedIn](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/linkedin.svg)](https://www.linkedin.com/company/cleveland-hearing-%26-speech-center/) - [![YouTube](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/youtube.svg)](https://www.youtube.com/user/chscdevelopment?feature=watch) - [![Flickr](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/flickr.svg)](https://www.flickr.com/photos/clevelandhearingandspeech) ##### Menu - [Audiology](http://www.chsc.org/audiology) - [Hearing Aids](http://www.chsc.org/hearing-aids) - [Speech & Language](http://www.chsc.org/speech-language) - [ASL Interpreting](http://www.chsc.org/american-sign-language-interpreting-services) - [Community Center (CCDHH)](http://www.chsc.org/community-center-for-the-deaf-hard-of-hearing) - [Resources](http://www.chsc.org/resources) - [About](http://www.chsc.org/about/about-chsc) - [Giving](http://www.chsc.org/giving) - [Events](http://www.chsc.org/ways-to-give/fundraising-events) - [Contact](http://www.chsc.org/contact) - [Schedule an Appointment](http://www.chsc.org/contact) - [Donate](https://transactions.chsc.org/CampaignForm/CHSC/Cleveland+Hearing+and+Speech+Center) ![CARF](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/carf-logo.png) ##### Accreditations and Affiliations - [Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities](http://carf.org) - [Certified Medicare and Medicaid Provider](https://www.cms.gov/) - [National Association of Speech and Hearing Centers](http://www.nashc.net/) - [Registry of Interpreters for the Deaf](http://www.rid.org/) - [Case Western Reserve University](https://case.edu/) - [United Way of Greater Cleveland](https://www.unitedwaycleveland.org/) ##### Contact Information 11635 Euclid Ave. Cleveland, OH 44106 Voice: (216) 231-8787 Appt: (216) 325-7570 Fax: (216) 231-7141 [info@chsc.org](mailto:info@chsc.org) ![CARF](https://blog.chsc.org/hubfs/CHSC-Nov2017/Images/carf-logo.png) - [Corporate Information](http://www.chsc.org/corporate-information) - [HIPAA](http://www.chsc.org/hipaa-cleveland-hearing-speech-center) - [Privacy Policy](http://www.chsc.org/privacy-policy) - [Terms & Conditions](http://www.chsc.org/terms-and-conditions) - 501c3 Non-Profit © 2017 Cleveland Hearing & Speech Center. 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